Your last paragraph is not a downer my good sir. Game is creating the conditions to let luck happen to you. Being the driver doesn’t mean you control the road. No one does.
> When she asked my age, I said 32, her then responding that she's 25.
> Looks like I lost this one after coming clean about my age.
I am genuinely curious about this.
The "lying about your age" thing reminds me in some ways of "indirect openers." The problem was always "how to transition?" If you are interested sexually, but you open about her "art" or whatever; you run into issues when you "come clean."
YOU: So... what about drinks?
HER: You're a nice guy, but...
HER: I thought you said you want to study?!
You get in at one level, but then flounder as you say what you are really all about.
I'm not sure how you know you "lost" her. But if you did:
Was it lost when you revealed your real age? Or bcos you had to explain why you "weren't exactly truthful" in the first place? Would you know that? Did she say? Could you see it in her reaction?
The way I see it: If she likes me, I can make my age okay (or a good thing, I have a lot of exp dating girls 20 - 30 years younger than me), because: It's about HOW SHE FEELS (with me, bcos of me).
But if I lie, and that comes out... how can I ever make that okay? Doesn't that teach her not to trust me? Or that I am the kind of guy that feels he needs to "hide things?"
I am genuinely baffled that guys do this. And I know they do it all the time. In case it's not obvious, I have never lied about my age. You don't have to announce "I'm 50 years old," there are creative ways that do NOT include lying, but that isn't the point...
I have my own "boomer" (?) standards about how lying is obviously low value. But even for guys that can't feel why that is true:
Girls can feel INCONGRUENCE. Any "falseness" can "leak" into the interaction. Even if she never finds out, she might "feel" that incongruence, that "he's hiding something." "Something isn't quteWhat could scare a girl off more than "this dude wants to fuck me, but he's hiding something." I cannot believe this is not obvious to guys - but I know it is not.
This ^ is all "seen thru the negative." But this same point can be seen "thru the positive."
YOU: I never lie about anything
Still kind of "negative" frame, but if that is true, what is "leaked" is that you really believe that. And YOU KNOW that it's true, so it's easier to be strong and congruent. You can feel proud/healthy, instead of "sneaky."
YOU: I have nothing to hide
YOU: Check me out
YOU: If you're lucky, maybe you'll get me alone and I can really show you everything
That is so clean. So strong. This is where I want to fight from. It is inherently high value to live like this. I can feel more confident, because I know I live like this.
Again, the whole thing is like DIRECT GAME - I love direct game.
YOU: What, is, up?!
YOU: You are amazing
YOU: I want to meet you
She can take it/leave it, but there is "no shame in my Game," and I can advertise that. Better than "no shame" - I am proud, I am clear about my desires as a man... girls love this stuff.
HER: Are you trying to fuck me?
ME: Of course...
ME: And if you're not careful...
ME: I'll get you pregnant and we'll raise a family together
I think all this applies to being real about your age. Same clarity. How you do anything is how you do everything. Girls can feel it.
Your last paragraph is not a downer my good sir. Game is creating the conditions to let luck happen to you. Being the driver doesn’t mean you control the road. No one does.
The unknown, the unexpected, the uncontrollable--it all goes against my being that made me an engineer.
I respect your perspective, thank you for it.
Hey Breeze.
Sorry to hear this one is off.
> When she asked my age, I said 32, her then responding that she's 25.
> Looks like I lost this one after coming clean about my age.
I am genuinely curious about this.
The "lying about your age" thing reminds me in some ways of "indirect openers." The problem was always "how to transition?" If you are interested sexually, but you open about her "art" or whatever; you run into issues when you "come clean."
YOU: So... what about drinks?
HER: You're a nice guy, but...
HER: I thought you said you want to study?!
You get in at one level, but then flounder as you say what you are really all about.
I'm not sure how you know you "lost" her. But if you did:
Was it lost when you revealed your real age? Or bcos you had to explain why you "weren't exactly truthful" in the first place? Would you know that? Did she say? Could you see it in her reaction?
The way I see it: If she likes me, I can make my age okay (or a good thing, I have a lot of exp dating girls 20 - 30 years younger than me), because: It's about HOW SHE FEELS (with me, bcos of me).
But if I lie, and that comes out... how can I ever make that okay? Doesn't that teach her not to trust me? Or that I am the kind of guy that feels he needs to "hide things?"
I am genuinely baffled that guys do this. And I know they do it all the time. In case it's not obvious, I have never lied about my age. You don't have to announce "I'm 50 years old," there are creative ways that do NOT include lying, but that isn't the point...
I have my own "boomer" (?) standards about how lying is obviously low value. But even for guys that can't feel why that is true:
Girls can feel INCONGRUENCE. Any "falseness" can "leak" into the interaction. Even if she never finds out, she might "feel" that incongruence, that "he's hiding something." "Something isn't quteWhat could scare a girl off more than "this dude wants to fuck me, but he's hiding something." I cannot believe this is not obvious to guys - but I know it is not.
This ^ is all "seen thru the negative." But this same point can be seen "thru the positive."
YOU: I never lie about anything
Still kind of "negative" frame, but if that is true, what is "leaked" is that you really believe that. And YOU KNOW that it's true, so it's easier to be strong and congruent. You can feel proud/healthy, instead of "sneaky."
YOU: I have nothing to hide
YOU: Check me out
YOU: If you're lucky, maybe you'll get me alone and I can really show you everything
That is so clean. So strong. This is where I want to fight from. It is inherently high value to live like this. I can feel more confident, because I know I live like this.
Again, the whole thing is like DIRECT GAME - I love direct game.
YOU: What, is, up?!
YOU: You are amazing
YOU: I want to meet you
She can take it/leave it, but there is "no shame in my Game," and I can advertise that. Better than "no shame" - I am proud, I am clear about my desires as a man... girls love this stuff.
HER: Are you trying to fuck me?
ME: Of course...
ME: And if you're not careful...
ME: I'll get you pregnant and we'll raise a family together
I think all this applies to being real about your age. Same clarity. How you do anything is how you do everything. Girls can feel it.
Age gap is a little wide for a real long-term relationshp with kids.
>> I'm a beta who might be clouded in love, so I believe her
Who knows... it might be true...
Ultimately you change, the world changes, time passes, and doors close.
Hope this one works out. Always tricky to know in the honeymoon phase. Long relationships are ultimately about character.